My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
