This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
