you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's get the cat blown out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
