i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
