I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
home. puking in laundry basket.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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