He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
