Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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