Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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