I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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