just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
