you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
