She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
the raccoons are back...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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