Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The adults are the big ones right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
