i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
