i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to walk on stilts...naked
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
