my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
