he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
