I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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