It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We got so high we made milksteak
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
