So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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