i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
