what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
