You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
