as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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