I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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