You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
