week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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