Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Holy shit dude........stairs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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