found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
