I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
