There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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