I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
