Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
