Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
