Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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