Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
