I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
