I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
