This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
