just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
