then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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