were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
