somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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