He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A bitchslap is in order.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
