When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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