you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
