Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
