Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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