I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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