sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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