Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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